Why Blog?

"We read your 'blog', do you really have that much free time to write?" my parents commented. "Actually I lost sleep staying up to write it, but I'm enjoying the writing" I replied. "Well we'd say you should take the sleep, it was rambley & do you really think people want to read about you cleaning your house?"

After breathing in a few long nostril breaths of acceptance, I wondered why I emailed them a link... I remember thinking "surely THIS will be the time I'm understood by my mom!" But they do have a point... why am I compelled to tell my story? It's pretentious. I didn't think of it as self-promoting but it is.

I guess I like feeling the emotions that arise when I think of writing... mainly scared - since it's posted publicly & being public definitely helps me write better. I'm scared not to try blogging, since I hate feeling regret more than scared. The excitement of trying something new is worth it EVERY TIME I do something I'm scared of. I want to have stories to tell my kids when I'm old & forget everything. Or if I die next week, I want them to know what their mom thought of, get a glimpse of my head. That way later in life if they have similarly active, fearless (yet in retrospect self doubting) minds they wont think they're crazy, it's just my genes.

The biggest reason I write is to figure shit out for myself. So, this is my journal.

What is ringing true as I write this blog? I'm not sure, but I guess it's acceptance. Acceptance of this phase of my mildly creative mind, that's not creative or confident enough to write a book, so it just dabbles. That my parents don't find humor in me. That I appreciate how my parents raised me, that I do love them & that I can also be annoyed & unconnected with them too. When I accept who I am & where I am, I am liberated.